The road so far…

I am so slacking on keeping this up to date.

I am still engaged and madly in love with my fiance.  We have been living together for almost 6 months now and it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made.  The other best decision was dating him in the first place.  I feel so much better now that I am not living with my father.  Not that living with my father and his wife was the worst thing in the world, trust me there are people who have it thousands of times worse than me, I had a place to rest my head at night.  But this place feels more like home. He feels more like home.  Like tonight, before I got out of bed and decided to type to all of you, I laid there watching him sleep and it just seemed like this, this is where I belong.  I mean we are not perfect, we do fight and push each others buttons, and when we push them too much we realize and correct the issue and we are never too proud to say “I’m sorry”.  We are still working out the quirks of our relationship.

We still have not set a date for the wedding.  First his plan was he wanted me to take and pass the MTEL test that I have mentioned in previous posts I have yet to pass, finish my degree and then we would start planning the wedding.  Now it seems like the plan is, if we haven’t had a wedding by my 26th birthday we are elope, and then have the big wedding later on so as to not upset our families.  The reason behind the elopement is that when we turn 26 we are kicked off our families insurance. The daycare doesn’t provide insurance and my retail job’s insurance is not great, however, his company has a good benefits package and I will be 26 before he will.

I am still working two jobs.  At the child care center that I work at I am per diem.  And for a while I was not getting very many hours.  But with more students being enrolled more eyes are needed on the children.  We have even been talking about expanding to allow more children, which will again require more hands on deck on a daily basis.  My boss really seems to enjoy having me on her team and has talked about me gaining some more hours, but with two other new teachers on staff she has to share the coverage.  And because of the fact that I am per diem and they can and have called me to come in later in the day I must have a second job so I have not been able to quit my retail job.  I however have told my retail job that I am not available to work on Saturdays (to which they were not happy and whined about) as that is my day to clean, do laundry, or simply sleep in and do nothing.

I am going to let you go and curl back up with the man I love.

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Six months of changes

In the last six months i have gotten engaged, temporarily left college, got a job in my field, blew up a car, replaced my car, and finally moved out.

I got engaged!!!!!  He took me back to where we had our first date, where we hadn’t gone to since our first date.  To the exact same spot where we had that first picnic date.  We had our sandwiches and watched the geese and ducks in the pond/lake.  He did the whole get down on one knee thing and asked.  And of course i said yes.  I am in love with the man and the ring(even though I have had it altered a little to better protect the stone).  No date yet.  But not in a huge rush to do so.

So, I am not in college right now.  After 5 years in college I have to take some time off before I can finish.  If you are aware both Texas and Massachusetts require that all future teachers pass a series of multiple choice/short answer standardized tests to prove that you are a competent teacher(because everyone is good at taking tests).  Well I had one last test that I haven’t passed.  I took the test twice during this summer, the first time I was nine points from meeting the requirement to pass.  So as soon as I saw I was nine points from passing, I quickly re-scheduled the test.  Mind you it cost each time you take this test.  On try number 4 I missed it by ONE LOUSY POINT.  And I have not rescheduled it again.  And until I take and pass this last test I can not take the last remaining courses.

Because of the fact that I am not currently in school I told Walmart that I work at that I want full time(last summer I put in that I wanted to be a full time associate and they never actually put me in as full time, but was giving me the hours as if I was.) because of the fact that I am not in school.  Well Walmart being Walmart was giving me hours but not what I was wanting for hours usually just under 30 hours a week. One of my new family friends told me that her friend had a day care and could use some help, so I got the phone number from her and called and had an interview a week later and two weeks after that I was in the classroom and I LOVE IT.  I love the staff I am working with and I love the children I get to play with.

So i got a new to me but still old car back in April.  During the summer I realized that the A/C and heater wasn’t working right but I wasn’t concerned I had power windows and I didn’t really need heat right then and there.  As fall came I informed my dad and brother that I was going to need to bring the car in for the heat issue.  They looked at it and said they thought it was just a bad temp gage and that she was low on coolant.  Well one day the car became sputter-y so into the shop it went.  Come to find out I had a blown head gasket.  So they told me to just keep dumping water and coolant in until you can replace it engine or find some one who could replace the blown gasket for a reasonable price.  While I was looking for cars and engines I drove the car, jug of water on days where it wasn’t got to be super cold out and coolant on the other days.  Well the Saturday before Turkey day the car finally gave up.  On the highway.  On my way to work.  So I called a few garages since I knew of a motor that might hold me over until I could do something else.  No one could get me in anytime soon or did not have the equipment.  While I was doing that search it came to my attention that the rockers were rotting.  So, my best option was to sell my car for scrap and buy another car.  I was able to donate my car to Kars4kids and I am leasing a 2016 Kia Forte.

Last week.  The week before Christmas I moved out of my fathers house and into an apartment with my fiance.  We are still in the process of settling into out new home.  Now that the holidays are behind us we can try and get more settled.

Two years ago…

Two years ago today, It was one of the best and worse days of my life.  Today was the day my then boyfriend stood me up for the last time.  It was the last day I got to work with my best friend.  But it was also the first time I was able to let him in on what was really going on in my life with my relationship.  I had kept him out of knowing what was going on because I knew he liked me and I was having some feelings for him.  I did not want him to feel like he was the one pushing the boyfriend and I away.  Two years ago today he finally saw a glimpse of my pain.  He had known that the boyfriend and I had plans to hang out and when the two of us took our meal breaks he could see it on my face that I was not okay.  I told him I would talk about it later (Because I did not want some of the other people at work to really be in on my business and I had a feeling that when I opened up down the flood gates would go)  After I got out of work that day I figured both my best friend and I needed to go for a ride, since he lost his job over an irate customer and I had just had a bad day.  So I picked him up and I drove.  I don’t even remember where we ended up but we just drove and talked.  He told me about getting fired and I talked about how I was unhappy in my relationship because at that point I knew that it was over.  We then turned around and went back and just hung out at his house we watched a few movies and I got to cuddle with one of his cats.  I did not hear from the ex all night or even the next day, at least until I had him call me after work to break up.

Another very good friend and co-worker of mine did know what was going on between the boyfriend and I because he just sensed that I was not my usual self one night.  It just happens that two years ago today I was working with this good friend of mine and from the start of our shift he knew I was upset.  He saw the hurt when the boyfriend came over and talked to him and basically ignored me and what he had done.  This friend saw me brush off the hurt when the boyfriend finally came by to say he overslept.  My friend also took the broomstick I was using to get all the stuff out from under the shelves away because he did not want me to use it on the boyfriend, even though I had promised I wouldn’t hit him with it (There are far better things I could hit the boyfriend with).

As of today, i have a boyfriend that i love,  my best friend has a full time job that he loves and he has me to call his girlfriend.  The ex and I are starting to have a civil relationship, as in when he sees me he will at least say hi and we can carry a conversation instead of him just glaring at me.

kiss me beneath the milky twilight Lead me out on the moonlit floor Lift your open hand Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance Silver moon’s sparkling

Men and women in relationships,

No matter how long you have been together treat each other as if you just started dating each other.

Send each other good morning and good night messages if you don’t live together, or depending on your relationship send it even if you do live together.

Give each other gifts just because you can, even if it is just a dessert the other likes or some flowers you happen to see out of the corner of your eye.  We care more about the fact that you thought of us then what you get us.

Write love notes.  Remind them why you fell in love with them and how crazy you still are for them.

Go on dates just because.  Not because you feel like you have to because it is a birthday or anniversary or holiday, go just to have that one on one connection with each other.

Have a cuddle day where you don’t make any plans but to have a relaxing day doing nothing, watch old favorite movies and cuddle.

Do something you both love, or something you both want to try, even if neither of you is great at it, have fun.

I needed you

Thank you for being what i needed
I needed someone who loved me
I needed to be needed
I needed you
I needed you to hold me
and show me the truth
I needed to be cared for
and loved everyday
I needed two strong arms wrapped around me
and two soft lips kissing me
I needed you
I needed you to show me how love really is
and prove it to me everyday
I needed a man that needed  me
and makes me feel needed
I needed you to make me smile
and make me forget my past
I needed you to make me, happy